Why People Shoot People

The second day of Learning Journey brought us to Army Museum Singapore. There we learnt about several interesting bits about the Singapore Armed Forces such as their obsession with warm cooked meals for soldiers, and the resulting SAF innovation - a mobile kitchen that can serve 300+ soldiers after a maximum of 30 minutes of set up. Apparently this equipment had been tested successfully when fighting Talibans in Afghanistan. It is an entertaining juxtaposition of bloody dangerous war and safe cozy "home-cooked" meals. But I guess such meals are important in rejuvenating the soldiers after a tough day, and maintaining a high morale.

But fun bits aside, I think I want to talk about unsettling things, I, unlike SAF, am obsessed with being uncomfortable. Discomfort is like clowns, they unsettle and amuse, and evoke certain thoughts.

So, what was unsettling?

Shooting rifles at human-shaped targets and really wanting to do it again (and again).

We visited a shooting range where we were each asked to shoot human-shaped targets with rifles, to simulate army training.

When I shot my first shot, I was really just focused on shooting fast and accurately. When I successfully shot my first target (nicely in the head) my conscience remarked aloud, "I feel like a cold-blooded murderer." Nonetheless, I kept shooting, and ended up with a perfect score.

My heart was palpitating to an inexplicable adrenaline after leaving the shooting range. When I told my classmates about this, one classmate hi-fived me in a show of empathy.

The adrenaline is a feeling echoing and simply happening throughout the body. It was not adrenaline where hot blood coursed. It was just the heart pumping, and pumping, and pumping (yet one does not feel the blood flowing), in its rhythmic cheer for more. I dare not think more of what.

Five minutes or so later, I began shaking quite visibly. My knees were weak, my hands trembled. Looking back, they eerily resemble druggies' withdrawal symptoms.

Anyway, when there was a chance to shoot again, I instinctively volunteered (very enthusiastically) to go again.

I missed almost all the shots. Perhaps they were subconsciously intentionally missed but I was also using the harder M-16 rifle (compared to the previous easier SAR-21 rifle).

The adrenaline though, and the craving to do it again... It is sick how people get a kick out of shooting human targets. At some point the human-shaped targets just became targets.

Maybe I should not be so bothered since the targets were not human to begin with. Maybe if the human-shaped targets were square cardboard cards I would have felt the adrenaline as well. Maybe it was an adrenaline associated with the shooting only.

But the thing is, there IS a difference between consciously registering the target as human-shaped before shooting, and registering the target as a cardboard square before shooting. There is a difference between deriving pleasure from hitting the bull's eye and deriving pleasure from shooting a person's head.

I don't know what to feel. Maybe my response is an evolutionary thing. Maybe it was just thrill at doing something new.

It's just that the next time I shoot a huamn-shaped target, within the few seconds of aiming for the head and pressing the trigger, I wonder if I could have changed.